


Greener Grass

by Kyluxtrashpit (ApostateRevolutionary)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Character Study, Feelings, Light Angst, M/M, Oral Sex, Self-cest, Some Humor, kylux is background but heavily implied to be a soulmate sort of thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 08:10:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19808236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApostateRevolutionary/pseuds/Kyluxtrashpit
Summary: Kylo learns a Force technique that allows him to not only see but, for a short time, visit alternate universes. He searches to see what paths his other selves have taken, hoping to learn something of the Force from his journeys. However, when he comes across a Ben Solo who rejected the Force in favour of becoming a smuggler, he finds himself distracted, needing to know more about a man he could have been.





	Greener Grass

**Author's Note:**

> This is a [twitter fic I wrote](https://twitter.com/kyluxtrashpit/status/1146618629485498369) because I wanted more Kylo/Ben self-cest that quickly got out of hand lmao. I cleaned it up and added a bit here and there to put it into proper fic format, but it's essentially the same thing, I just wanted to put it on AO3 before I lost it forever in the void that is twitter lmao

The fact that there are infinite alternate universes is not one many in the galaxy are aware of. The knowledge of such things is largely reserved for theoretical physicists and the like, not something for the citizens of the galaxy at large to concern themselves with. However, with enough power and knowledge of the Force, there is more one can do with such a fact.

Kylo had discovered it in his study of the Force, rare, ancient texts describing the process of not just seeing these alternate universes, but even visiting them. Despite himself, he’d become curious, wondered if there was something he could learn from his other selves, see what paths they had taken compared to his. The texts cautioned that no significant changes could be made for the sake of the fabric of reality, but a visit, for a short time with only a small amount of interaction, one could do that.

So Kylo does. He goes into a meditative state for hours, sometimes days on end, searching for his alternate selves in the threads of the Force. He finds many, countless versions, some very much the same, some very different from himself. It’s both fascinating and concerning to see so many different versions of his life laid out like this.

(He’s also horrified to discover most of his other selves are involved with Hux in some capacity – in _romantic_ capacities – because this version of Kylo hasn’t yet figured out that’s what his future holds as well. Hux is nothing to him save a rival he’s had angry sex with a few times and that’s how he likes it. This is a different issue, however, and Kylo will figure out what they are truly meant to be in time.)

He comes across a version – a _Ben_ , he thinks with disgust – who went down the path of becoming a smuggler. This Ben knows enough of the Force to help him in his daily life, but he has no extensive training in either the Dark or the Light. He watches for a time, quickly determining there’s nothing he can learn here, yet he’s intrigued.

This Ben is happy and carefree in a way Kylo can’t remember being under either name. He’s strong, but there’s still a hint of the soft puppy fat associated with a life of leisure. It’s clear who would win in a fight. His relationship with his – their – family is a little strained, yet it causes him no trouble. He has friends, people he likes and who like him. Kylo knows he should move on to the next version of himself, yet he watches Ben smile and laugh and just enjoy being alive.

It’s. Kylo feels something, a tug, and before he can remind himself that this is probably a terrible idea, he approaches Ben where he sits alone in a cantina, humming absently to himself. They look like brothers, not twins or more, Kylo thinks dizzily as he gets closer. He can see the obvious similarities in their faces, expects Ben will as well, but the differences in their lives has left Kylo with a scarred cheek and dark circles under his eyes, whereas Ben is unmarred and well-rested.

To Ben’s credit, he doesn’t visibly startle when the large cloaked shape approaches him. It’s not exactly uncommon in his field of work, after all. He does rest a hand on his blaster though, just in case, even as he affects a relaxed posture, a pleasant greeting on his tongue. These situations often don’t end well, so it’s always best to be prepared if friendliness fails.

What does shock him into silence is the face revealed behind the hood of the cloak. It’s, well, it looks like _him_. Tired, worn, scarred, but it’s still undeniably his own face looking back at him. He doesn’t know what to do, his quick thinking and sharp wit evaporating. He wonders, a bit deliriously, if someone drugged his drink with a hallucinogen while he wasn’t paying attention.

The scarred man says they should talk and the owner of the cantina knows Ben and his business, so he’s able to get a room for them easily. It’s not the first time he’s done so for his more sensitive deals. He can’t stop glancing at the man, both disturbed and curious how they can share a face. Ben knows he’s tense, but he can’t help it, not when confronted with such an impossibility.

Kylo – that’s his name, apparently – explains it, but Ben finds it hard to believe. Alternate realities? Force abilities he didn’t think possible? Ben’s not exactly an expert, knowing early on that Jedi life wasn’t for him, but this, it. It _can’t_ be possible. And yet, it appears it must be. With no other possible explanation to consider, Ben has no choice but to accept the only one he’s been given.

Kylo goes on and, despite minor differences, it seems he has the same life story Ben does, up until going to train with Luke. Ben hadn’t lasted long and had made it clear he was not going to pursue this, instead following in his father’s footsteps where he could at least keep his freedom. Kylo hadn’t and what apparently followed from that was worse than all of Ben’s nightmares combined.

Ben looks at him again, really looks at this supposedly stronger – and physically, yes, he definitely is, Ben has no illusions otherwise – yet sadder and infinitely more _fragile_ version of himself. So jagged and harsh, yet Ben could sense yearning beneath it all, something so wanting and impossible to ignore. It chafed at him, some undefined discomfort settling between his ribs.

“If there’s infinite versions of us,” Ben asks after a time, “why did you come to me? I’d ask if it was my dazzling good looks, but you’ve got a mirror for that.”

Ben’s usual smirk feels strange on his face when his own is glowering back at him. Kylo seems frustrated by the question, pressing his lips together.

Finally, after too long silent, Kylo snaps, “I shouldn’t have. This was stupid.”

He then makes to get up and leave but Ben reaches out and gently grabs his wrist to stop him. After just beginning to share their same yet different lives, Ben can’t let it end here, with so many unanswered questions. He needs to know more, needs to know _Kylo_ , if he can.

“You can’t just tell me all that and leave,” Ben says, tone light. “It’s rude to tease, you know.”

Kylo makes a noise in the back of his throat but sits down again, looking uncomfortable. He says nothing, but Ben counts him still being here as a win.

“The dark side, huh?” Ben continues when Kylo stays silent. “Tell me about it.”

Kylo explains how much power he has, how much stronger he is than he was before, what he’s done with it, but Ben can read between the lines and – it sounds _awful_. Truly awful. He had been tempted before, yes, but not gone through with it. He’s never been happier to have made that choice, even if it was what caused the rift between himself and his family when he left Luke’s to pursue a much less respectable line of work.

There’s pain in Kylo’s words, even if he doesn’t complain. Nothing about the Dark side is pleasant, all pain and anger and blood, your own or others. That explains the scar, then. Ben wonders how many Kylo has. He’d like to see, he decides, wants to know the physical effects too, to see just how much the Dark side takes and takes and takes.

Ben’s always been good at reading people, probably at least partially thanks to the Force, and all he sees in this man, his other self, is pain, turmoil, and dissatisfaction. Kylo doesn’t seem to mind the first, but the latter two... that’s the sticky bit, Ben can tell. It’s what brought Kylo here, despite that there’s nothing Ben can teach him about the Force or anything else he might have sought to learn from his journeys to alternate universes.

Kylo feels the same to Ben as a star on the verge of going supernova. Obviously unstable, yet no one knows for sure when it’s going to go off. Except it’s not just his nature; Kylo has made himself into a time bomb, whether he meant to or not, with the course of his life. Meanwhile, Ben knows he has a good life. Perhaps with a bit more danger than most would like, but that’s what keeps it so exciting to him. It’s fun. He has time to relax in between the adventures, has plenty of room in his life for leisure. He’s _happy_. And he knows, somehow, that’s what attracted Kylo to him.

The greener grass. The promise of something better you never had. Ben understands that call as well as anyone, the siren song that haunts virtually all sentient life. And despite his other self being a murderer and more, all Ben can feel is sorry for him. Ben swallows against the discomfort of it, unsure how he’s supposed to feel.

It’s a lot. Too much. The chafing inside his rib cage is turning into an ache and Ben has never been good with serious emotions, so he deflects.

“You won’t learn anything about the Force from me,” Ben says, standing up and approaching Kylo. “But I could give you a good time for your trouble.”

Ben winks. Kylo sputters and turns red.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never wanted to fuck yourself,” Ben laughs, trailing a hand over Kylo’s chest; fuck, he is built. “It’d be just like wanking. But better.”

Kylo’s blushing and staring at the floor, which is an odd look on a scarred warrior of the Dark side. Ben finds he likes it, this shy side of him. It’s clear his other self isn’t nearly as free with his affections as Ben is.

“Do you want to?” Ben asks, then pitches his voice lower, more seductive. “Think about how good it’d feel to fuck someone who knows you as well as you do.”

Kylo bites his lip, considering for a moment, and then he surges forward without warning, claiming Ben’s mouth in a rough kiss. Ben laughs into it, unable to help himself. The unreality of the situation is making him giddy.

Kylo pulls his hair in retaliation and Ben gasps because, yeah, Kylo definitely knows what they both like. But so does Ben, so he bites Kylo’s lip before sliding his tongue into Kylo’s mouth, swallowing the needy moan he gets in response. They’ve barely started and it’s like Kylo is starving for it already.

Ben doesn’t know how Kylo’s clothes work, so he fumbles until Kylo takes over and then starts undressing himself too. Soon they’re on the bed and Ben is biting Kylo’s neck while Kylo digs his nails into Ben’s chest as they grind a little against each other. Fuck, it’s good already, definitely better than wanking.

Kylo has more scars than Ben had first imagined but he ignores them, not wanting to think about where they might have come from and instead focuses on his generous chest and the hard muscles of his abs. His cock, identical to Ben’s, is hard against Ben’s thigh, and Ben pulls away from the kiss, dragging Kylo’s lip between his teeth as he does.

“I want to suck your dick,” Ben says as he pulls away, pushing Kylo onto his back.

Kylo just stares, looking wild and dazed, then nods. Ben grins at him, playful, then leaves sucking kisses down Kylo’s torso until he reaches his cock. Ben’s never seen his own dick from this angle before, but that doesn’t stop him and Ben doesn’t hesitate, taking it into his mouth and swirling his tongue over the head just how he likes it. Kylo’s hand flies to his hair, grip just this side of painful and Ben moans around the cock in his mouth, getting one from Kylo in return.

Ben’s good at this, he knows he is, and he has home field advantage, so he doesn’t hold back, using his lips and tongue until he’s able to take it all the way down, his nose touching Kylo’s pelvis. He winks up at Kylo, who looks overwhelmed already, and then swallows around him. The grip on his hair tightens as Kylo groans, now pushing up and down a little in time with the bobs of Ben’s head. Ben hums into it, smiling as much as he can with his mouth full when it makes Kylo shudder and buck his hips. Is Ben also that responsive in bed or is it just Kylo?

Already it seems Kylo is close, so Ben pulls back, not willing to end it just yet. He wants more, everything he could get if they had the time and Ben doesn’t know how much Kylo has here. He doesn’t want to miss out by taking his time teasing his other self too much.

“Can I fuck you, Kylo?” Ben asks, pleading with his eyes. “I promise I’ll make you feel good.”

Kylo’s eyes widen but then he nods, and Ben is halfway up to grab the lube from his bag but Kylo somehow figures out his intentions and uses the Force to float it over to him. Ben stares at the bottle as it lands in his hand, chuckling a bit.

“Now you’re just showing off,” Ben teases, wishing he’d ever thought to do that.

Kylo huffs, maybe amused, and Ben quickly slicks his fingers, then rubs at Kylo’s hole. Kylo lets out a soft sigh, visibly trying to relax as Ben slips the first finger in. Damn, he’s tight. Ben tries not to compare it to the feeling of fingering himself as he gets started, taking his time with it.

Ben knows exactly the right angle and Kylo gasps, his cock jerking as Ben crooks his fingers just right. Kylo’s back arches, his hips twitching down a little as Ben slips a third finger in, his mouth going dry and his own cock twitching in response. Was it vain to be so turned on by Kylo’s reactions when they were technically the same person? Ben finds he doesn’t care.

Ben keeps fingering him, teasing for as long as he can. Kylo is growling now, the look in his eyes clearly that of impatience, but each time Ben thrusts his fingers, Kylo’s eyes flutter shut. Kylo is tight and hot inside, though, and Ben can’t make himself wait any longer, no matter how much fun it is to tease.

“Ready?" Ben asks as he pulls his fingers out, slicking his cock.

“I’ve been ready for a while,” Kylo snaps, his face set in what could only be called a pout.

His ire doesn’t last long, though, as Kylo spreads his legs further and tilts his hips up in offering. He’s flushed, his cock hard against his belly. He wants it and kriff, so does Ben, so Ben slides his cock in, slow but steady, the hot grip of Kylo’s ass around him impossible to resist. Ben leans forward to kiss those identical lips again and his hips jut forward of their own accord, burying him to the hilt as they both moan.

Ben starts an easy pace but Kylo is shoving back against him as much as the position allows, wrapping his legs around Ben’s waist, encouraging Ben to speed up. Unable to resist Kylo’s urging, Ben picks up the pace, the kiss breaking due to the necessity of air and the heaving of their chests.

Kylo suddenly bites his neck _hard_ and Ben cries out, his hips jerking forward, his cock slamming in roughly. Kylo shouts in response, his grip on Ben tightening and his eyes screwing shut. Ben grins; that wasn’t from pain.

“Oh, you like it rough, do you?” Ben taunts. “I guess it makes sense. I do too.”

"Shut up and give it to me then," Kylo says, voice too broken for the words to have the heat he’d likely aimed for.

Ben just keeps grinning as he gives Kylo sharp, hard thrusts instead, finding a rhythm and enjoying the way Kylo can’t keep his eyes open or his mouth shut as he does. He can’t help wondering if he looks and sounds that good while he’s being fucked, but the thought doesn’t last long. He’s far from unaffected, especially with the way Kylo is clenching his muscles as he all but writhes under Ben’s thrusts. They’re both close now, he knows.

“Are you going to come for me, Kylo?" Ben asks, still with that teasing lilt, before he bites down on Kylo’s neck, hard enough to break the skin, like Kylo did to him.

Kylo jerks under him, crying out, coming untouched and Ben shoots a hand down to stroke him, Kylo moaning and shuddering through it. He looks dazed as he comes down and Ben picks up his rhythm again, driven on by the little sounds Kylo lets out as he continues to fuck into him. It’s so good, the pleasure and the trip of seeing almost himself under him, covered in come and pushing towards overstimulated. Ben digs his fingers into Kylo’s hips and feels himself suddenly falling over the crest.

Ben’s moan is loud as he spills inside Kylo’s ass, his orgasm hitting harder than one has in a while. Yeah, _definitely_ better than wanking. Ben takes a moment to catch his breath, then pulls out and lies on the bed next to Kylo, both of them sweaty and fucked out.

“Holy shit,” Ben says, still panting a bit.

Kylo doesn’t respond, just stares at the ceiling, like the unreality of the situation is just hitting him now instead of when a different version of himself was balls deep in him. Ben gives him the moment. He wants to cuddle, always does, but he doesn’t know if Kylo would like it.

After a few moments of deliberation, Ben decides to go by his usual mantra of ‘fuck it’ and rolls over anyway, wrapping an arm around Kylo’s waist, uncaring of the mess. Kylo stiffens, looking at him warily, until he relaxes with a deep sigh. He looks away again, then shifts just a bit closer. A hesitant invitation.

Smiling, Ben takes it, arranging them so he’s holding Kylo from behind. Usually he likes to be the little spoon, but he feels like Kylo needs it more than he does. They should get up to clean themselves, but just as he has the thought, Kylo is summoning a cloth with the force, making Ben laugh again.

He doesn’t know how he manages to fall asleep, but when he wakes up, feeling muzzy, Kylo is getting dressed.

“Oh, you weren’t even going to say goodbye?” Ben asks, voice thick with sleep. “Just use me and go? You really are a villain.”

Ben grins and Kylo shakes his head.

“I need to get back," Kylo says. “The Force won’t let me stay much longer.”

Ben hums in understanding, shifting to sit up a bit. It’s a shame, but he knows it’s not up to either of them.

“Thank you,” Kylo says, looking at the wall across the room. “I... Thanks.”

Ben’s not sure what he’s actually being thanked for. He doesn’t think it’s the orgasm.

“Happy to be of service. Besides, I should get going soon too,” Ben says after glancing at the chronometer. “Got a contact to meet. Some bounty hunter called Starkiller. You got one of those? Know anything about them?”

Kylo whips his head around and stares, seeming horrified.

“Fucking hells, you too?!” he more shouts than asks.

Ben stares at him quizzically. “You know anything that might help me with them, then? I was given hardly any information.”

“Don’t fuck him,” Kylo snarls before stomping out of the room, leaving Ben even more confused than before.

Ben sighs. He has too much to think about already. It’s definitely not every day you have amazing sex with your sad, evil counterpart. He stretches, figuring he may as well focus on the next task lest he get too caught up in considering what just happened. Starkiller is expecting him, after all, and Ben’s only more curious about the bounty hunter now.

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out with me on [tumblr](http://kyluxtrashpit.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](http://twitter.com/kyluxtrashpit/) too


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